Public Sphere Consensus: No one has their Schmidt together

              Potentially, my favorite thing about Rants From Mommyland is that it tells me its ok to be crazy. That its ok to not have my schmidt together. And that even if my schmidt isn't together by the time I have kids, thats ok too. because no one has their schmidt together. Not even Perfect Mommy, as much as she'd like you to think so. At least, thats the consensus this online community of Mom's seems to have come to in their process of recognizing the pressures and insecurities of their lives.

              3 years ago, Kate and Lydia felt lost and alone and torn in a million different directions about the validity of their life choices and mothering decisions. And so they made a blog, and were honest about this to the rest of the world, and something amazing happened-- other women started stepping forward as well, with their own fears and insecurities and most importantly of all, support. Gone was the facade of trying to come off as "Perfect Mommy." Here were real moms, keeping it real. In an exceptionally honest confessional piece by Lydia on how she feels like the worst mother in the world, written after a day of badly behaved children and mommy-meltdowns, the outpouring of solidarity and support in the comments section says a lot about social media's ability to create such a personal space among strangers thousands of miles away.

For example: "Dearest Lydia, what makes me feel better about that is that I am NOT ALONE! I was just sobbing my eyes out the other night about what a horrible mom I am and how the kids deserved so much better than me. I told my husband they would probably be better off in daycare than with me all day. I feel like I am always yelling, always saying no, always breaking up fights.... and I NEVER have a nice clean house and nice clean, well behaved children. So, worry no more...I think you have some competition here from another "worst mom without being a felon." I wish we knew each other and could hang out so we could commiserate over a t-box. You rock, Ms. Lydia!"

*Bloggers note: a T-box is boxed wine from target. Apparently helpful in dealing with parenting woes. I'll keep this in mind for 15 years from now...

Also: "This post is why I love this blog so much - you make me feel normal!"

*so apparently I'm not alone...

And: "I felt like I could have written the first paragraph. I feel like this all the time", "Oh Lydia, I have soooooooo been there", and "Your blog is a light in my life. I don't feel so alone when I read it. I feel normal."

One of the things I find most interesting about these comments are the place where they were made. Not in someone's living room, not in the company of ones closest friends and family, but on the internet, in a blog, where one is simultaneously nowhere and everywhere. Mommies were probably not the top demographic that was thought about when blogs were created, but it really is the perfect medium for these interactions to take place. Being a stay at home mom is lonely, despite the fact that you're never, ever alone (Ever. Apparently you can't even pee alone most of the time. Remind me again why I want to have children someday?). The internet allows these women to connect and interact with the outside world of mothers experiencing the same alienation, as well as with working moms and stay at home dads, and if I'm any indication even non-mom's who just find the whole concept fascinating. The internet is a public sphere- any location where people gather to discuss and form opinions and are engaged in the criticism of a situation- and the mommyland blogging community is a 3rd space, an intersection between public and private. The entire world, in the privacy of your own home. It is the characteristics of this form of media that shapes many of these interactions. Most mothers wouldn't be brave enough to admit their moments of failures and the fact that they do not remotely have their schmidt together to anyone, and who can blame them? But on the internet, you're anonymous, and within Mommyland, you're not alone. 

~Carrie