Writing this blog has made me realize that I may love Rants From Mommyland a little too much. I remember a ridiculous amount of detail about the evolution of their blog in the past few years, and I frequently feel incredibly proud of Kate and Lydia in the way you have seen them grow and change throughout the entire process. From feeling out of control and alone, they have become empowered, and use their online community as a way to empower other moms. One of the ways they do this is by promoting understanding and acceptance of many different varieties of motherhood (and fatherhood), providing validation and support for whatever way you personally choose to or must deal with your own specific challenges in raising children. Much of this is done through a series of posts they featured on their blog entitled "Domestic Enemies of the ____ Mom/ (Dad)." The posts were originally written by themselves in regards to their own particular brand of motherhood (Suburban mom and Stay at Home Mom) as a way to discuss the specific challenges unique to their own situations and to respond to judgmental comments by others in their lives at various times that have belittled their situations. The feedback was so positive that they began to feature posts from other mommy (and daddy) bloggers from all walks of life who wished to provide a snapshot of their lives to facilitate more understanding and acceptance within the mother community at large. The posts are meant to debunk negative or hurtful stereotypes that surround the particular branch of motherhood, and are a fantastic example of both testimonials/ life story narratives and of the way that a community of mothers can come together to form positive, non-judgmental opinions in the public sphere in the 3rd space of Mommyland. The posts came from so many different walks of life and realms of experience: Domestic Enemies of the Urban mom, Rural mom, Small Town mom, Adoptive mom, Military mom, Stepmom, Trying-to-be-a mom, Low income mom, Special needs mom, Pregnant mom, Mom of mixed-race kids, Large family mom, Homeschooling mom, Gay Mom, at-home dad, Preemie mom-- you name it, they've got it. And in the end, the series did something wonderful. It brought to the surface some of the more subaltern voices of motherhood and gave them a chance to speak for themselves, to debunk myths and stereotypes, to rant a little about what parts of their branch of motherhood particularly difficult to maneuver, but to also share the moments that make the whole endeavor worthwhile. And in doing so, Mommyland found a way to casually influence people's opinions towards a more open frame of mind. I have no idea how much of a difference their actions made in the world at large, but in the lives of the Mommies who are tired of being treated a certain way due to preconceived notions and misplaced stereotypes, being able to speak up for themselves and the sister-mommies of their sub-genre was a big deal.
In the words of Large Family Mom, "
Not all large families wear long skirts and refuse to change hairstyles for 25 years. Not all large families homeschool. And, not all large families are anti-birth control for religious reasons. However, people wrongly assume these things about us, and total strangers will ask questions and want to discuss these points with us, all because they’ve seen shows like 19 Kids and Counting and Sisterwives. I’ve been asked by strangers more times than I can count, “So, are y’all like the Duggars??” Ummm, NO."
From a Step Mom, ""When are you going to have your own kids?" I hear it All. The. Time. From family, friends, the photographer at Sears, you name it. I have lived with my 2 stepmonkeys since May 2007, so it irritates me when someone asks me when I'm going to have "my own" kids. I've been helping to raise them since they were 6 and 18 months old. How long did it take you to fall in love with your kids? Less than 4 years? More like, in an instant, right? That's what I thought. Same for me.
I go to every play/soccer game/swim lesson. I've been cried on, bled on, thrown up on. I've stayed home with them when they're sick. To me, they ARE my kids. So if you need to ask something that's none of your business, ask me when I'm going to have MORE kids."
*Bloggers note: Something I've learned via following Rants from Mommyland and Stark Raving Mad Mommy (the blog of a special needs mom) is that apparently strangers think that its ok to ask women extremely personal questions and/or make rude statements about one's particular brand of motherhood or preferred parenting skills. I really don't get it. But replying to these questions and statements is a big part of the Domestic Enemies series and Mommyblogs in general. Hopefully the wrath of the mommy-blog-o-sphere can make this practice less common/ socially acceptable by the time I have children, but it might just be human nature...
The opportunity to have one's voice heard in a Blog, especially a blog with as much viewer volume as Rants From Mommyland, is exciting-- and in many ways similar to the testimonial experience Mary Bucholtz describes around home shopping network callers and that we discussed in relation to haul videos. We talked in class about the home shopping network as being a place in the political moment where people are able to express who they are and make their voice heard in ways that may not be generally available to them, and also as place of identity formation. To quote Bucholtz, "Popular culture splinters into multiple and sometimes conflicting representations that offer similarly conflicting resources for women's identity construction. New cultural forms that blend or transcend conventional boundaries of genre or register present special challenges to analysts, for they facilitate new identity formations that may contradict traditional feminist analysis."(Bucholtz). I would argue that Mommyblogs are an excellent example of this. These women are taking a stand about who they are and what motherhood means to them. The medium of blogging is an excellent forum in which to address and identify the conflicting resources for women's identity construction-- the ideologies we interact, the media we experience, the pressures we face every day-- and as a result of our explanation emerge with a better understanding of our own identities and what we would like our identities to be. In sharing this with the world, mommy bloggers empower themselves as an actor and voice and authority in their own lives, even if their only tangible realm of authority is in the nursery. Its funny when you think about it-- motherhood may be the largest community of speaker rather than evidence centered arguments. Who do you think came up with the phrase "Because I said so"?
The bottom line of the Mommyland community is that motherhood may define your entire life or can be one of many facets of one's identity, and thats ok-- tell us about it, and we'll listen. We'll probably emphasize. You are important, even if the only thing you've done today is clean cheerios out of the living room carpet.
~Carrie
